I was reading the February Ensign (All of my church friends will know what this is. For the rest of you as way of explanation: it is a magazine put out by my church.) and came across a quote that I feel was directly speaking to me. It's from Elder George Q. Cannon. It says,
"The Saints should always remember that God sees not as man sees; that he does not willingly afflict his children, and that if he requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them. If He deprives them of any present blessing, it is that he may bestow upon them greater and more glorious ones by-and-by."
When I read this it seemed to be an answer as to why I haven't been able to get pregnant. I don't know for sure what God has in store for me but I am trying to have more faith that he knows what is best for me better than I do. Over the past several months I have had the feeling that the Lord is preparing me for the fact that I will never be able to have biological children. Granted, I don't know what (if any) issues Soren and/or I have that would be preventing me from getting pregnant. Still, I feel as though we need to be prepared for the fact that we will most likely have to go the route of adoption to have children.
One example of how things can work out for the best is my Grandma and Grandpa. They adopted all of their children. My Grandpa died from Huntington's Disease. For all of you who don't know it is hereditary. Growing up I thought they decided to adopt because they didn't want to pass this disease onto any children they might have had. A few years ago I found out that they didn't know my Grandpa had Huntington's when they were trying to have children. My Grandma wasn't able to get pregnant and she told me that she had been very angry at God about this. (I can't imagine my Grandma being mad at God. She is one of the sweetest and most faithful people I know.)
It turned out to be a blessing in disguise that my Grandparents had to adopt because they didn't pass a disease on that would have greatly shortened their children's lives. Plus, because of this fact I was able to be a part of my Grandparents family. I love them so much and can't imagine what it would be like without them.
I try to keep this in mind myself when I feel frustrated or angry about the fact that I haven't been able to get pregnant. For now I am just trying to have faith that everything will work out for the best. If I do have to adopt to have children I will love them just the same as if they grew inside me. There is another quote that I can't remember word for word, but it says something like this: Being adopted means you grew in your mom's heart instead of her tummy.
