The subject of this post has been rolling around in my head for a while now. It has taken me a while to figure out exactly how I was feeling and what I wanted to say. In short I have decided to try to let go of some of my bitterness.
I think every lady who has or is dealing with infertility can relate to the fact that when they hear that someone is pregnant you focus on your own pain instead of being happy for them. (I'm sure that this actually extends to anything in life that we can't have that other people do have.) I know I personally roll my eyes and think of how sickening their happiness is. I know this is pure jealousy on my part. I can say that my one saving grace on this subject is that I am still geniunely excited for my friends who are able to get pregnant. In my case it seems to be people that I'm not close to that I can't stand being around when they're pregnant.
This bitterness is slowly poisoning me and I need to get rid of it. Any baby is truly a miracle and just because I can't have one doesn't mean no one else can be happy when they are able to have a baby. I'm going to strive to have my first reaction to a pregnancy annoucement be excitement.
11 comments:
I understand exactly how you are feeling. It takes a strong woman to be able to recognize these feelings.
I had to "practice" my reaction to upcoming annoucements at home...sounds crazy but it actually helped !
I added you on MFP :)
I too know what you are feeling. It is very hard for me to put my jealousy aside to be happy for someone, especially when it happens so easily for her.
(Hugs)
You are exactly right, every single woman going through infertility can relate to those feelings. And I think the pain is very real whether you are trying for your first or 4th. When it's not easy you start to dwell on the negative. I've done my share of crying and avoiding. It's just important to not dwell on it. But it is ok to be sad, jealous, depressed. Just give it a few days and then know that you'll feel better in a few days.
Its so hard, we all do the same thing. Until we get our happy ending, I don't think that eyerolling will disappear. You are on the right track now, keep up your testing and start some treatment C's!! (((HUGS)))
I totally agree. It bit me in the ass this week though. I hid an annoying pregnant lady that I work with on FB and then the next day she had to be rushed to the ER with a placental tear. She and the baby are okay, but it really shook me. I felt guilty for resenting her happiness. I can't let these bitter thoughts consume me..
I totally agree. It bit me in the ass this week though. I hid an annoying pregnant lady that I work with on FB and then the next day she had to be rushed to the ER with a placental tear. She and the baby are okay, but it really shook me. I felt guilty for resenting her happiness. I can't let these bitter thoughts consume me..
Julie, I am happy to hear that you are trying to have a positive attitude. I have been feeling extremely bitter lately. Seeing you're post has helped me realize that other people are going through this. Its tough. If there is anything I can help you with please let me know. Just hang in there.
It will be hard, but you'll be happier in the long run. When I was going through a hard time many years ago, I had a choice to be bitter and hate those people that hurt me, or I could let it go and not let the bitterness in. It was hard, but I took a Book of Mormon class that summer where I had an epiphany regarding our pain and the atonement. The atonement wasn't just to cover our sins, but also any pain or hurt that we experience in this life. I cry every time I think about that. The atonement gives every equality and balances the good and bad that we experience.
Julie, I love you. I know that it works. Sorry my comment's so long, I hope it helps.
I'm right there with you and wrote about something very similar on my blog tonight. It's a tough struggle, but I'm hopeful. Take care of yourself... Hugs!
I know I feel like that as well. And working on it is not easy, but oh so important. Glad you have recognized it and are trying to work on it.
For me they can be a close friend/relative or an acquaintance. But the one's that are hard for me to be around are the one's that take it for granted, and or gripe to me throughout their pg'nancy about being pg. That's when I find it even harder to be happy for them. BUT, I still try.....Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed!
I understand how you feel. I felt the same way. Just know your emotions are so normal. It's okay to be jealous. Just because you aren't beaming with excitement over friend's announcements don't mean you aren't happy for them. It's okay to be sad for yourself. I always tried to explain this to my husband. He was always under the "our turn will come" thinking and didn't understand where my tears were coming from. ~hugs~
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