Finally an Update

I have been working for the Social Security Administration for 3 weeks now. It was a position that I originally applied for about a year ago. I wasn't even looking for another job when they called me in March and asked me if I was still interested. I told them that of course I was still interested. I went on another interview and was offered the position. So far I am really enjoying it. There is so much to learn that it can be overwhelming though. I will be in training until August. I am really hoping that I will be able to master the position and move up quickly. We'll see how it goes.

One of the best things about the new job (besides the fact that it isn't giving me anxiety attacks) is that I am now working Monday through Friday, normal business hours. I have been loving getting home and taking our dog for a walk everyday, having time to read, and I have even started crocheting a baby afghan for the heck of it (not sure who I'm going to give it to yet).

In other news: Soren still hasn't gone to do his part of the infertility testing. I had all mine done months ago and he just has to do one thing. The fertility clinic won't even make an appointment to see us until we do all the preliminary testing. I have been trying not to pressure him because for the last 2 months he didn't have the time to go in. In fact we barely ever saw each other. However, now he can and he has been putting it off for the last 3 weeks. At least he has mentioned to me that he knows he needs to take in the sample. I am trying to be patient, but he needs to realize that we are partners in this whole process and I need him on board. At this point it is probably going to have to keep waiting because we need to get some things figured our with our health insurance coverage.

I think I am feeling more at peace about the whole infertility thing. I haven't been obsessing about it like I was at one point. Don't get me wrong, I still am feeling somewhat impatient to find out what is going on. However, I have been trying not to worry about things that are out of my control. I have been charting to keep track of my crazy body, but everything else seems to be in a holding pattern. I think it is probably completely in my head, but today my chest seemed noticeably bigger, so of course my first thought was maybe I'm pregnant. Don't you just love how our minds play tricks on us.

Overall I think I am doing pretty not feeling horribly jealous of the women out there that are able to have kids. I was able to even remember some of my old feelings about baby blessings this Sunday as a baby was being blessed in church. I used to cherish baby blessings and look forward to them as one of the best parts of church. It is so wonderful to hear of all the wonderful blessings that a father gives his child. I have to admit I still felt a twinge of pain in my heart, but at least I was able to see some good in it and not just be swallowed up in my self pity. I have decided that I'm not going to church on mother's day though. That was a complete disaster last year and resulted in me have to go outside and bawl pathetically. Needless to say I have decided not to put myself in that position just in case I can't control my emotions. I don't think I'm strong enough to face the celebration of motherhood.

Lastly, I have started planting my vegetable garden. It got kind of a late start because of all the work we have been doing on our yard. So far strawberries and tomatoes are actually in the ground. There are several more things that I purchased today and plan to plant tomorrow. Our fruit trees that we planted last year are doing really well. They have a little bit of fruit on them and I am super excited about it.