Review of "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother"

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I have to give Amy Chua credit for being so honest with the reader about how she chose to raise her daughters when she realized that the "Western" style of parenting is so different from the "Chinese" style and that her views would not be popular. I don't agree with her polarized view of parenting that there is one right way and I would have thought that she would admit this fact by the end of the book, but she never did. By her own admission this book started out being about how  "Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how [she] was humbled by a thirteen-year-old." In the end it would have been nice to see her admit that maybe her intensity in following the Chinese model was a bit over the top and that some moderation in parenting styles would have been good.



After hearing such an uproar in the media about this book I expected that I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I did. I went into the book thinking it might be something that I just half-heatedly scanned to get the gist of. I was glued to the page through out the whole thing. There were some parts that I completely agreed with and others that horrified me. 



It really seemed to me that she was much more strict with her daughters than her own Chinese parents were with her. I think this came from a fear that her daughters would be spoiled by America, become lazy, self entitled, and have no future. In her book she included a whole chapter on generational decline and how it is one of her greatest fears. Here is how she explained it:



"The immigrant generation is the hardest working. Often they will start off in the U.S. penniless, but they will work nonstop until they become successful engineers, scientists, doctors... As parents they will be extremely strict and rabidly thrifty. Everything they do and earn will go toward their children's education and future."



"The next generation, the first to be born in America, will typically be high-achieving. They will usually play the piano and/or the violin. They will attend Ivy League or Top Ten university. They will tend to be professionals - lawyers, doctors, bankers, television anchors - and will surpass their parents in income... They will be less frugal than their parents. They will not be as strict with their children as their parents were with them"



The third generation (the author's daughters) "will be born into the great comforts of the upper middle class. Even as children they will own many hardcover books (an almost criminal luxury from the point of view of immigrant parents). They will have wealthy friends who get paid for B-pluses. They will expect expensive, name brand clothes. Finally and probably, they will feel that they have individual rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution and therefore be much more likely to disobey their parents and ignore career advise. In short, all factors point to this generation being headed straight for decline."



The author declares: WELL, NOT ON MY WATCH!



This unfortunately resulted in her not letting her daughters have any freedom or even have the ability to play and enjoy any part of childhood. From the moment they were born she was training them to be perfect, high achieving automatons.



I will admit that there are several things about main-stream parenting in America that annoy the crap out of me. I hate how so many parents make excuses for their children. "Oh, they don't know any better. They're just a little kid." No, they don't know any better because you haven't taught them any better. I also hate how there is absolutely no respect for teachers or other figures of authority. If a parent has an issue with their child's teacher I feel it shouldn't be discussed in front of the child. Unfortunately too many children see the authority of their teachers being undermined by their parents.



I will agree with the author that I don't feel that parents should be so worried about being their children's friend. It is inevitable that sometimes your kids are not going to like you. This is part of being a good parent because they won't always know what is best for them (or like what is best for them). I disagree with the fact that she seems to believe that children should be given no choices in life. I feel that children should gradually be given more and more choices in their life. Obviously, you aren't going to give your baby any choices in life since you have to do everything for them, but a teenager should have the ability to help make some decisions.



Overall, I feel the biggest tragedy (and irony) is that she treats her students better than her own children. In the book her daughters commented to her: "You're so nice to your students. They have no idea what you're really like. They all think you're nurturing and supportive." What's worse is that she freely admits this is true. "The girls are actually right about that. I treat my law students (especially the ones with strict Asian parents) the exact opposite of the way I treat my kids." 









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Family Reunion

This last weekend we had a major family reunion on my dad's side of the family. It included all the family since my great-grandparents came to the U.S. from England 100 years ago.They had 8 children including my grandmother. One of my dad's cousins did a tally and there are over 400 descendents. We had about 200 at the reunion. I knew very few people, but was excited to see the people I do know. 

I was most excited about seeing my cousin Julia (she is really the daughter of my dad's cousin and I'm not sure of the exact title of how we're related so I just say she is my cousin). We are two months apart in age and we met when we were 6. Since then we have been really good friends. It is amazing how sometimes we will go years without seeing each other, yet we still get along so well. I flew out to Utah for her wedding and she came out to California for mine. I love her to pieces and she is one of the best friends I could ask for.

It was a great weekend, but I'm glad to be home in my own bed again. We drove all day on Thursday, were there for 2 days and then drove back on Sunday. 

Busy Day

I wish there were more hours in the day. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done. I was busy all day and still have so much to do around the house. I scrubbed every inch of our bathroom, washed and folded/hung up six loads of laundry, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen and went grocery shopping. I'm proud of how much I accomplished, but wish I could have done more. Our house is still so messy.

Next on the list of things to do is restock the pantry now that the shelves are done.

Any one have any suggestions on how to delegate some of the chores? I have made a chore list, but no one follows it. Maybe we will have to have a new rule that there is no TV until chores are done. I hate to treat adults like children, but I'm not sure what else to do.