I hate my birthday

I haven't really enjoyed my birthday for about the last 15 years.  I know that is a long time to hate your birthday, but I do because it always sucks.  I think it all started with my family going through some financial hardship when I was a teenager and so we couldn't afford to have a party for me.  That was fine because I don't really need a bunch a presents anyway. However, I told my dad during this time that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday because I was trying to make sure that he didn't feel bad.  Somehow this stuck and so nothing is ever done for my birthday.

I would like a day where I'm treated special and I don't have to make sure that dinner is cooked.  I was kind of upset this morning about having another sucky birthday and I guess it was showing so my husband asked me what was wrong.  When I told him the truth he started to be all defensive.  I told him that it wasn't his fault bacause he can't read my mind and know that I would like to celebrate when I claim I don't.  The thing is that I mentioned to him a few days ago that I would like to have people over for a bbq on my birthday and he totally shot that idea down because our house isn't really set up to have people over right now.  I thought that would at least give him a hint that I would like to do something even if we can't have people over.  I guess that wasn't obvious enough for him though.

I'm going to try to have a better attitude about my birthday and hopefully it won't suck too much.