Profound Thoughts

I'm sure we've all had moments when we are listening to something and someone says something that completely hits home. I don't know if it is the way they say it that makes the difference or if is just because we having been thinking about a certain subject and that person opens their mouth and gives an answer to our prayers. It's probably a combination of the two.

I was up late on Saturday night after I wrote my last post and was listening to a Christian radio station through Dish Network. There was a program called "music and the spoken word" that was playing. During this program they will have someone share a brief thought and then the choir will sing a song related to what was just being mentioned.

The conductor of the program shared a story about three women who were talking. Two of the women were going on and on about all of their children's achievements. The third woman didn't have anything wonderful to share about her child, but was genuinely happy for the other two women. Afterwards she was asked how she took the successes of these other people so well when she didn't have any successes of her own to share. She simply said: "It's much easier to celebrate than compete."

The conductor then went on to share that "Victories for others don't mean failures for us." For some reason this one line really seemed profound to me. Looking back this seems really obvious, but I think I needed a reminder that I can be genuinely happy for people and that I need to stop comparing myself to others so much.

Who cares if other people seem to have things that I want but don't have. I need to forget myself more and be more willing to praise other people's achievements. You can all be my witness that here and now I am recommitting myself to banishing the green-eyed monster that lives inside me.

Truth About Trying

I found out about Redbook's "Truth about trying" campaign through a friend's blog. (Click on the title of my post to be linked with Redbook's website.)The goal of the campaign is to end the secrecy and shame connected with infertility. They are encouraging women to make short videos about their struggles with infertility so that those of us dealing with infertility don't feel so alone and those who are not can be more educated about what 1 in 8 women are experiencing.

This is a very worthy campaign and I am so glad they are doing it, but I can't be a part of it right now. I'm in a place in my life right now where I'm trying not to be defined by my inability to have children and thinking about infertility is bringing everything front and center. I know that ignoring the issue isn't going to solve anything, but I can't fix the problem right now so why focus on it.

I watched some of the videos and felt extremely depressed afterwards. I know this isn't the point of the campaign. The whole point is to let people know they aren't alone and give them hope. It just breaks my heart that so many women deal with infertility. It also breaks my heart that no matter what else I try to do in my life I will never escape the fact that I have no control over making my desire to have children become a reality.

Since this subject is extremely depressing I'm going to stop talking about it now. I promise that my next post will be more upbeat.

Time to give an update

This is going to be short because I don't really feel like posting. I just thought I should let you know I'm still alive. I have been feeling pretty crappy the last few weeks and have had almost no energy. I wonder if I have a parasite or something. ;)

Most things are pretty much the same. I haven't lost any more weight, but at least I haven't gained any back either.

The only thing new is that I will no longer be teaching the Sunbeams at church (3 and 4 year olds for those of you who are not familiar with what I'm talking about). I'm so excited! I was literally counting down the weeks until the end of the year. It was so trying on my patience and most Sundays I would come home ready to cry because I was so frustrated. I will now be the Second Counselor in the Young Women's Presidency. I'm excited for this new calling with the 12 and 13 year old girls and I'm hoping that I'll be able to come up with a lot of fun activities for us to do together.

We have a plan

I was watching a friend's son today and their house and had my hubby come over for a visit after he got off work. We were sitting on the couch talking about a lot of different things and the conversation turned to having kids. (I would like to add that I'm not the one who brought it up.)

I mentioned that fact that I can't believe I'm going to be 29 on Monday and that I feel like I should still be in my early 20's. Soren's response was that he can feel my biological clock ticking (this was not said in a rude way whatsoever). He went on to say that when we were married I was almost 24 and he thought we had plenty of time and now he realizes that time is slipping away from us.

We agreed that we are going to try IUI (intrauterine insemination) this January, March and May. Hopefully one of the times will work.

Until then we are going to both continue to focus on losing weight. Soren has lost over 10 pounds so far and I have lost 7. I would like to lose at least another 30lbs by the end of the year. That would be a 1 1/2 pounds a week for me which seems do-able, but we'll see if my body cooperates.

Review of "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother"

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I have to give Amy Chua credit for being so honest with the reader about how she chose to raise her daughters when she realized that the "Western" style of parenting is so different from the "Chinese" style and that her views would not be popular. I don't agree with her polarized view of parenting that there is one right way and I would have thought that she would admit this fact by the end of the book, but she never did. By her own admission this book started out being about how  "Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how [she] was humbled by a thirteen-year-old." In the end it would have been nice to see her admit that maybe her intensity in following the Chinese model was a bit over the top and that some moderation in parenting styles would have been good.



After hearing such an uproar in the media about this book I expected that I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I did. I went into the book thinking it might be something that I just half-heatedly scanned to get the gist of. I was glued to the page through out the whole thing. There were some parts that I completely agreed with and others that horrified me. 



It really seemed to me that she was much more strict with her daughters than her own Chinese parents were with her. I think this came from a fear that her daughters would be spoiled by America, become lazy, self entitled, and have no future. In her book she included a whole chapter on generational decline and how it is one of her greatest fears. Here is how she explained it:



"The immigrant generation is the hardest working. Often they will start off in the U.S. penniless, but they will work nonstop until they become successful engineers, scientists, doctors... As parents they will be extremely strict and rabidly thrifty. Everything they do and earn will go toward their children's education and future."



"The next generation, the first to be born in America, will typically be high-achieving. They will usually play the piano and/or the violin. They will attend Ivy League or Top Ten university. They will tend to be professionals - lawyers, doctors, bankers, television anchors - and will surpass their parents in income... They will be less frugal than their parents. They will not be as strict with their children as their parents were with them"



The third generation (the author's daughters) "will be born into the great comforts of the upper middle class. Even as children they will own many hardcover books (an almost criminal luxury from the point of view of immigrant parents). They will have wealthy friends who get paid for B-pluses. They will expect expensive, name brand clothes. Finally and probably, they will feel that they have individual rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution and therefore be much more likely to disobey their parents and ignore career advise. In short, all factors point to this generation being headed straight for decline."



The author declares: WELL, NOT ON MY WATCH!



This unfortunately resulted in her not letting her daughters have any freedom or even have the ability to play and enjoy any part of childhood. From the moment they were born she was training them to be perfect, high achieving automatons.



I will admit that there are several things about main-stream parenting in America that annoy the crap out of me. I hate how so many parents make excuses for their children. "Oh, they don't know any better. They're just a little kid." No, they don't know any better because you haven't taught them any better. I also hate how there is absolutely no respect for teachers or other figures of authority. If a parent has an issue with their child's teacher I feel it shouldn't be discussed in front of the child. Unfortunately too many children see the authority of their teachers being undermined by their parents.



I will agree with the author that I don't feel that parents should be so worried about being their children's friend. It is inevitable that sometimes your kids are not going to like you. This is part of being a good parent because they won't always know what is best for them (or like what is best for them). I disagree with the fact that she seems to believe that children should be given no choices in life. I feel that children should gradually be given more and more choices in their life. Obviously, you aren't going to give your baby any choices in life since you have to do everything for them, but a teenager should have the ability to help make some decisions.



Overall, I feel the biggest tragedy (and irony) is that she treats her students better than her own children. In the book her daughters commented to her: "You're so nice to your students. They have no idea what you're really like. They all think you're nurturing and supportive." What's worse is that she freely admits this is true. "The girls are actually right about that. I treat my law students (especially the ones with strict Asian parents) the exact opposite of the way I treat my kids." 









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