My husband read my blog and was embarrassed by my post on June 23rd. Now he doesn't want to do the second sperm analysis. I really didn't mean to embarrass him. He says that he isn't punishing me by not going in to be tested again, but I feel like I'm being punished even if that isn't the intention. He says he will do the test when he stops feeling embarrassed.
That post was about sharing what was happening in our infertility journey. I was sharing bad news about both of us, not just him. I can understand how he wouldn't be happy about me sharing information he feels is private. It wasn't my intention to paint him in a negative light and I sure wasn't trying to make him look stupid for not knowing that his sample should be transported by keeping it close to his body.
I know that he doesn't want to have to do the sperm analysis and feels like it is horribly embarrassing. I really do appreciate that he was willing to do it for me in the first place. I just wish that he could understand that he isn't the only one that feels violated by this whole process. It sure wasn't fun having someone shove something up my vagina and into my uterus to check things out and it was sure as hell was painful when they blew my uterus up like a balloon while shooting the dye into it. Plus, it was no picnic testing my blood sugar for the last few weeks and having sore fingers. I just want us to go through this whole process together, but he doesn't even what to talk to me about it. At first he wouldn't even tell me what was wrong he just told me that he wouldn't be doing the sperm analysis anytime soon.
The worst part about all of this is I no longer feel like I can freely share my thoughts and feelings on this blog without it coming back to bite me in the butt. I feel like this blog is my journal in a way. It is my outlet so that I don't go crazy and I feel like that has been violated. I'm not sure when I will post again because I no longer feel like this is my safe place. I just wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. I feel so alone right now and don't want to burden anyone by taking time out of their life to listen to me.
8 comments:
Hi Julie- I don't usually post, mostly just stalk but I wanted to say ((HUGS)) I'm sorry that your DH was embarrassed by you posting about his semen analysis & I wish he knew there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't think you painted him in a negative light at all & hey, how many guys are really going to know they need to keep it close to their body when transporting unless they're told or they ask?
I know I don't know you very well but if you ever want to talk & feel like you can't do it here please e-mail me (elizmw83@ptd.net) Never feel like you're burdening anyone- you're going through a lot & you need to talk about it. It's just how it is- it's how you work through things.
(hugs) I am sorry this has happened. You can email me at wh.at.ashame.abou.tm.e@gm.ail.com. (Minus the dots.) Feel free to vent anytime, ok?
Men are sensitive. I understand. It would be different though if we all knew each other in real life. Did you tell him you know all our husband's sperm counts and issues, too? heh
I'm so sorry Julie. . . .DH hasn't really read my blog since we've had the discussion about it being MY outlet. I talk with him about the girls in blogland like they are my BFF's, he still doesn't get how you can be so close to people you've never met. Men are really insecure when it comes to their manhood, but do they stop and think how it makes us feel? I mean, we are truly the part of the equation that gets violated more than they know. Like I feel comfortable walking into a dr office with my DHs sperm and letting my RE knock me up while he is at work? Come ON. We all have that same sensitivity level. The further you progress in your IF journey he will understand that this is your outlet where people have undergone and still are going through the same thing and understand you, not to mention can offer adivice. Just give it some time girl. (((HUGS)))
I don't know what to say except that I hope you can continue to have an outlet. Would he be okay with you sending emails to certain people instead of posting?
I'm really sorry Julie.
Julie,
I am so sorry.I like reading your posts. I relate to it and it helps me remember that I am not alone. And Julie, you are not alone. I am here for you. If you ever need to talk, please call me. I don't want you to ever feel that you are alone. If you cannot post here anymore, I agree with another coment made. Could you e-mail? And to your husband, tell him that I hope he is not embarassed. There are a lot of people going through this and its hard. Talking about it helps. Please, let me know what I can do to help.
Thanks for all your support ladies. You're the best.
Oh my gosh Julie I am sooo sorry! I am always here for you and you can call me anytime you want!! I think it helps that I know you both also. And I know tat big Lug Sorenstan! haha! I can see why you would be frustrated. I love you girly! Call me!! Or better yet I am calling you!
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