Better in time

For some reason the song "Better in time" by Leona Lewis is sounding very inspirational to me right now. Even though the lyrics about moving on after a break up have nothing to do with my situation (no, I'm not leaving my hubby), they are oddly comforting to me and even make me feel somewhat empowered.

Here are lines that really touched me:

"It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you...

[Chorus]

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeah (It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve to
Oh (It'll all get better in time)

No matter how hard it is
I will be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's going to hurt when it heals too
Oh yeah (It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile because I deserve to
Oh (It'll all get better in time)"

Okay, now let me explain why this song fits how I feel. It describes how this whole process of trying to conceive is emotional and painful.

• It seems like a long time that I've been trying to have a baby and I have nothing to show for it (It's been the longest winter without you).


• Even though this whole process stinks and there have been many times I have wished that I could just get rid of the desire to have children and move on with my life, it is easier said than done (See somehow I can't forget you)


• I know someday I might have to face the fact that we can't have kids and I will have to try to heal and move on with my life. Even then I know there will be scars and an ache in my heart that remain (It's going to hurt when it heals too).


• This next part may sound weird to some of you. I desperately love the children I don't have and may never have (Even though I really love you). There is so much room for love in my heart. I think one of the hardest parts about infertility for me is that I have already made room in my heart for children. Now it seems that I have to try to deal with having a hole in my heart.


• Here's the empowering part: I'm going to be okay. I know I will survive whatever happens (No matter how hard it is I will be fine without you. It'll all get better in time) and that I will find joy in life (I'm gonna smile because I deserve to). I will get my sunshine back. I'm not going to settle with being self pitying and pessimistic.

If you want to read all the lyrics you can click here. You can also listen to the song on my blog. The song is in my playlist.